Words of Lizdom, Part Deux

I do believe we are all due for another segment of Words of Lizdom.  Actually, some thoughts came to me after I finished a test at work today.  I had about 10 minutes to wait before the test period ended.  Since I had nothing else to do, I started writing these joyous thoughts down.  Once the time was up, the supervisor stated that we could now hand in our test and all paperwork was to remain in the room.  This makes sense as they don’t want us to write down the test questions and share them with the rest of the office.  I mentioned that I was having a blonde moment, and accidentally started writing down what I was going to put in my blog.  I begged and pleaded with her to read what I wrote to see that I wasn’t spreading confidential test materialage to the rest of the office.  Being the nice person she is, she agreed to this and relinquished my notes to me.  That being said, here is part deux of Words of Lizdom…

Today I will discuss the value and power of positive thought.
When I suddenly became very ill over three years ago, I was rushed through a battery of tests by my neurologist.  She suspected MS from the lesions on my MRI, but had me undergo a spinal tap to confirm the diagnosis.  I was told I would hear the test results within three weeks, but I actually ended up waiting over a month and a half.  It was so easy to allow myself to sink into thoughts of negativity during that time.  How long before I became disabled?  What things would I lose in life?  No one is going to want to be around a sick person…..etc.  After a couple days of these thoughts, I asked myself how they were helping my situation and frame of mind.  Also, how would they impact or change the outcome of the test results and diagnosis?  I came to the conclusion that this negativity and self-pity was causing far more harm than good.  It wasn’t easy, but I forced the negative thoughts out and replaced them with positives.  The negatives came so easily and it took a great deal of conscious effort to turn them around.  Many times I would end up in a vicious battle between the two extremes.  It literally was a constant fight, which was emotionally and physically draining.  It was the most worthy fight of my life.  What a difference this made during the waiting time for my test results, and now in my everyday life.  While waiting for the neurologist to call, I wasn’t as stressed out mentally which reduced the severity of many of my physical symptoms.  It also had a positive influence on those around me.  I was constantly asked how I wasn’t freaking out waiting for the results.  I told them I would deal with whatever the diagnosis was when I received it and I would not allow it to take control of my life.  During the spinal tap, the neurologist told me that I either had a viral infection in my brain or MS.  I told her I would take door number one!  Unfortunately, almost two months later I found out it was indeed MS.  I went straight to work after hearing the news at 8:15 in the morning.  Everyone was so supportive.  Mind you, they also thought I was nuts for going back to work that day!  I figured I should stay active and keep my mind busy, which was a much better alternative than going home to mope!  I did leave a little early that day as I was physically exhausted – and relieved to finally know what was wrong with me (I’ve been wondering since I was eight years old!)  On the way home, the song “You Had A Bad Day” came on the radio.  I started crying and said “Why yes, I DID have a bad day….a very bad day!”  I actually said it out loud in a really silly voice, which caused me to start laughing.  I was laughing and crying, to the point I was snorting!  I had to pull over before my giddiness caused an accident.  I gained control of myself and headed home.  I knew it would be hard, but I needed to keep up my positive outlook on life, despite my diagnosis.  I wasn’t going to let MS destroy me.  It was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but also the best.  It triggered this positivity that has enveloped every aspect of my life.  Sure, I have many “bad days” but they would be SO much worse if I surrendered to the nagging (hi mom!) negativity that is always there waiting to try and sneak in.  If you would like to see what the battles in my head are like, please check out this video
.   I’m a pretty silly person, so this is a great representation of my thoughts! 

This concludes part deux of Words of Lizdom.  Please join me next time for the continuation of the story of my life!

Today’s symptoms.  I was really pooped and had a dilly of a headache.  I went home sick an hour early. 

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